Rain and Memories

It’s cold and raining again.  Kind of unusual weather for Texas.  This is the first steadily cold winter I can remember.  Usually, we have bi-polar weather that can’t make up its mind from day to day.  One day it will be 70+ and the next in the 40’s. 

I’m not complaining.  I like the steady cold temps, I’m not sure I’m carried away with the grey days though.  The rainy grey days make me feel mellow, and somewhat sleepy. 

It reminds me of grey days I spent with my mom growing up.  Often she would make chicken and dumplings, have me help her roll out the dough then cut it in strips to put in the pot. 

Rainy days were great for reading, watching old movies, listening to music, or just spending time cooking.  It’s pretty much the same now with my kids.  I like rainy days now and then.  There’s something soothing and nice about listening to the sound of the rain and watching it trickle down the windows. 

Cherry Coley (c)

Walls and Bridges

Sometimes we are lonely because we have built far more walls than bridges.

We are a society of walls, fences and protected privacy.  We are taught that these things will keep us safe and protected from harm.  In an age of information, there is a lot of truth to that.

However, it is also true that if we are not careful we find ourselves building walls around our heart and mind as well.  It happens when we get hurt by someone we love or respect a great deal.  It happens because life dictates that we all have our fair share of hard knocks to keep us humble, and help us grow, however we choose how to respond to these events.

The most important weapon we will ever own as individuals is the gift of choice.  We cannot always choose events, or circumstances.  We cannot predict mishaps and unfortunate occurrences.  The one thing we can do is decide how we will respond, the attitude we will take and how we will allow these life events to affect us.  Your responses, attitude and approach to life are the only things you have complete control over at any given point in your life. 

Choose to respond positively. 

Choose to learn and adjust your attitude to your own advantage.

Choose to share what you have experienced.

Don’t shut out the world with walls and fences, build some bridges and share the knowledge with others.  That is how we will change the world, one person at a time, starting with the person in the mirror.

Cherry Coley ©

Life is about Choices

Life is about choices.  Oh, I know we’ve all heard that before and we all know it’s true; the question is how true is it?

I have had to battle the demons from my past the last few days.  Those memories that haunt and an attitude that wants to settle around me like a dark cloud and seep into my skin to become a part of me again. 

A close friend of mine told me that I should stop writing positive drivel and write about a lot of the crap that I’ve experienced along the way.  I told him that no one would believe all the stuff I’ve been through, not that it didn’t happen, but that there is so much of it.  Truly, most people experience one or two major mishaps in life if they are unlucky enough, but I’ve had so many that even I sit and shake my head in wonder at why I am still here at times.

He also told me that I have a great talent for description and that if I have something to say then just say it.  Well, okay, but I will do it my way, not yours. 

For the last few days and especially last night, the darkness tried really hard to reassert its self and last night I went to bed feeling like I was losing the battle, that I had failed and should just write everything that happened, reliving it all in vivid detail as I did.  I had nightmares all night.

The thing is, while I was experiencing living with an abusive, narcissistic, sociopath and that was after being in a rather odd relationship with another one previously, I had become a ghost like reflection of who I once was.  In those years I was just a shell of a person functioning on the outside, putting up a good front so that things would seem normal to those who looked on. 

I still had a positive attitude even then, though I struggled with it and it was only surface deep.  I still believed in better days and that the sun would shine.  

In talking to my friend something defensive in me woke up.  It wasn’t a whimpering, sad shadow either.  He kept asking me how I could be so positive after so much.  My unwavering answer is because NO ONE CONTROLS ME!  No one controls my attitude and my outlook except ME! 

Whatever the world and life throws your way, you CAN come out stronger, better, but it’s a choice.  You have the power to CHOOSE how you apply the events and mishaps in your life.  You can learn from them and become stronger, or you can let them take you down, dwelling on them, feeling anger, revenge, helplessness, and relive them over and over.  I choose to learn, to get up and to keep going.  I choose to believe there’s more that life has to teach and offer.

I don’t just think the sun will shine again and that better days will eventually be here….I KNOW. 

For me, it’s no longer faith as much as it’s experience.  When you’re up against that cliff and there’s nothing to do but to step off the ledge, you can be sure that God is going to catch you, or teach you to fly.  The thing is that in order to go forward, you do have to move, faith is grown by action, not waiting and life is about choices.

Cherry Coley (c)

Decisions Decisions!!

internet pic

Sometimes I can drive myself crazy trying to figure out the right path.  I get all caught up worrying that I will make a wrong choice or a mistake.  It bothers me and if I let it can tie me in knots to where I don’t rest well or eat right.  I wind up making lists of pro’s and con’s for both sides of whatever I am looking at.  I debate and weigh the issues; I look at it from different directions and ask people whose opinion I highly value what they would do in the same situation.   I pray and meditate and fret and generally drive most around me halfway crazy by the time I’m done. 

Then I will simply find a place where I know I have to make the decision, time is up and decide what to do.  I have at those times set my mind on what I feel is the best course of action.  I try it on, feel it out, and start moving in that direction.  However, I keep my mind open and if I get a hollow sinking feeling, I quickly assess what’s going on.  If the feeling doesn’t go away then I will go back and look at my lists to see what I may have missed and why it’s bothering me.  So many times I will find something I overlooked or didn’t look at closely enough and have to re-evaluate my decision.  I do all this before my time is truly up, because my decisions affect more than just me. 

My decision I’ve been fretting and debating over for a few months now is where we will live for the next two to three years.  I had a choice to live in my parents’ house or stay in the city where we live.  Their house is bigger, and it would be a decent choice to live there.  I struggled with the idea of living there, completely revamping the house and making it livable.  The original thought was that it would be a big savings as I wouldn’t be paying rent.  However, after taking in consideration that everything my family and I do is a considerable distance away and the rising cost of gas, wear and tear on the cars, utilities for a bigger house, and a lot of revamping; it was obvious that we would actually be spending way more to move into their house.  The other consideration is that it would uproot my kids from schools they love and after everything we have all been through last year; I think we need a break from some of the major life changes. 

So, even though we must still move, we will be moving within a few miles of where we live now instead.  The house is closer to the kid’s schools, I will be paying rent, but our gas bills and utilities will be cut in half which will make up the difference easily.  It’s a shame isn’t it? How we all have to consider our commute so much more now with the rising gas prices?  Yet, here we are doing just that.  Just last week we watched as gas went up .19 cents overnight!  Outrageous that the gas stations can get away with such rates and we just accept it, buy it because we need it, and keep going.

How many more of our decisions are going to be governed by this one thing?  Food prices, clothing, everything depends of cost of transportation.  It’s sad that we’ve come to this.  With all of our modern technology you’d think we would be closer to coming up with organic fuel.  Too bad we don’t have engines like on Back to the Future where you put in trash to fly your car.  God knows we have plenty of trash to use and recycle. 

Cherry Coley ©