Change and Wishes

Being in such a state of change and self-reflection this year has proven to be a challenging, heartbreaking, sometimes tormenting, and sometimes joyful, happy, amazing experience.  The roller coaster of emotions brought on by great change can seem like too much to bear at times.  Yet the times like this – depending on how we choose to respond – can offer the most personal growth.

In the process I have had to seek and out and remove some words and thought patterns from my vocabulary that have been getting in my way of either seeing things clearly or creating obstacles that turn into excuses.  Some of the words and phrases are:

  • It’s always been done that way
  • I’m nervous/scared
  • It’s going to take too long
  • It’s too hard
  • What will my family / friends think?
  • I can’t afford it
  • It’s risky
  • I don’t deserve it
  • It’s not my nature
  • I’m too busy
  • No one will help me

 I have been going through and creating affirmations to ward off each of those excuses, steadfastly cutting them out of my life and silencing them as they come up to block me from moving forward.  The one that I came up against this last weekend caught me off guard.  I honestly didn’t realize how much I was saying it and how much energy I was spending on basically, nothing.  The words I have to push away now are “I wish.” 

 I find myself saying things to people like – “I wish you were here,”  “I wish we could go to….”  “I wish we had more time together,” too much wishing.  It has now bled into other areas for other reasons such as: “I wish I could get my car painted,”  “I wish the backdoor would lock better,”  “I wish I could travel to Ireland,” or “I wish I could go spend some time with my long distance friends.” 

I just realized how truly ridiculous it all sounds.  Seriously?  What am I doing wishing so much?  Life isn’t about “wishing” – life is about “living.”  If you spend all your time and energy wishing for things you, aren’t living in the present and making things happen. 

It’s interesting what we wind up seeing as our limits and how we create excuses to justify staying stuck and keeping those limits in place.  The truth is that the limits you are living with – you have created yourself.  The person keeping you from reaching your goals and fulfilling your dreams is you. 

Do some soul searching, find the things that inner voice uses to keep you in that limited frame of mind, realize that the inner voice – is you and you can learn to silence it or reprogram it to move forward instead of staying stuck.  Even more important, if you find yourself constantly wishing for things to happen, realize that you have the ability to make them happen, but you have to first realize where you are and why, then take the steps to move forward.  It’s time to stop wishing and start living.

Cherry Coley ©

Just me

This week has been a week of happiness, grief and reflection.  September the 9th was my oldest daughters birthday, but September 11th was my dad’s birthday.  So often through the years they enjoyed celebrating their birthdays today with my dad joking in earlier years that he didn’t get as many toys as Casey.

I am so thankful that my children got a chance to know and spend so much time with their grandparents.  We had our issues and our family was nowhere near perfect, but my parents took active roles in the lives of their grandchildren. 

Mom made many blankets, sewed dresses, helped with costumes, school projects and many other things.  Dad tutored both kids on math on a few occasions.  Both of them transported my kids to and from school or daycare many times.  As a single parent, I honestly don’t know how I would have made it without their help. 

Mom made sure we celebrated birthday on the day each time, and didn’t just put things off until the weekend or when it was convenient.  We might gather with the rest of the family later, but we celebrated with mom and dad on the actual birthday. 

Each year when the first day of fall rolled around, mom would gather the kids and I together to take our annual trip to Burlington Coat Factory or the mall to buy winter coats and maybe some sweaters.  This was a tradition my parents started when my brother and I were small.  Dad always made sure we all went and bought coats and new shoes for winter.  It’s a small thing, but it’s a tradition we will keep this year as well.

It’s been a real trip down memory lane this week, realizing that last year on the 11th of September, I took a Boston creme cake to my dad, we bought him a new razor, socks, a few movies, a new CD and some funny cards.  He waved his hand and said, “aw, you didn’t have to do that,” while we sang happy birthday, but smiled all the while.  I have thought a lot of that moment this last week.  I am thankful we have it to remember as it was 10 days later when dad passed away. 

Traditions, no matter how big are small play an important part in each of our lives.  Take the time to celebrate when you have the chance and if at all possible keep the dates sacred.  You never know when life will interrupt your plans, treasure each and every moment, take advantage of every opportunity, and love the people in your life.

Cherry Coley (c)