I Don’t Feel So Merry

christmas1It’s Christmas time.  Yesterday we had snow, just a light dusting, and it was beautiful.  There is a chill in the wind today, it makes me want to stay home by the fire and drink hot cocoa

I have been looking at Christmas decorations, but they don’t seem quiet as sparkly as they used too.  I have been avoiding Christmas music for the most part.  I simply cannot listen to much of the Christmas music yet.

I am trying, but the truth is I just don’t feel the Christmas spirit much this year.  I try to remember last year, but all I can think of is that my days with my mom were running out and I didn’t know it.  Instead she and I stayed up late talking on Dec. 11th.  We were talking about  how everything was going to be different without dad, and we should try to make new Christmas  traditions. 

We had a long conversation that night about past Christmas’, about new plans, about the Bible and our beliefs, about my kids and our family.  Mom and I talked late into the night enjoying each others company.  I missed her,  I had not seen her in a week or two since Casey was working and using my car more.

Now, the song that best describes how I feel is “Where Are You Christmas?”  The answer is, I am not sure.  I think Christmas is the same, the spirit is the same, it is me that has changed.  I am still healing, still searching for answers that don’t exist and longing for conversations I will not get to finish until I see my mom and dad again someday.

This Christmas is a little better than last year, but it still hurts, aches.  Yet I know that time, faith, and hope will eventually heal the hurts, though they won’t fill the gaping hole left in my heart where my parents once lived.  I miss them. 

If you’re parents are still here, take the time to go see them.  If they need you, listen, and be there for them as they were for you.  If you have family you haven’t talked to in awhile, here’s your chance, your excuse, break the ice, heal the rift and share the love while you still can.  Christmas is about love and that is the greatest gift of all, don’t miss out on this free and wonderful gift.

Cherry Coley (c)

 

Happy Valentines Day

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To be honest, Valentine’s Day has never been my favorite holiday. Charlie Brown and I share a lot of the same experiences, although, I think he beat me in not getting a single one. I was always a little mad at Snoopy for not giving him a Valentine; after all he DID feed the dog.

The more I talk to other people the more I’ve realized that this holiday doesn’t hold fond memories for many of us. Some of the places I’ve worked made a big deal out of Valentine’s Day, going so far as trading the little Valentine’s and pinning them up on your cubicle walls. It was (like in elementary school) a popularity contest. Those who didn’t receive a lot of Valentine’s felt left out or disappointed.

So this year, toss out the old thoughts about the holiday. This year take Valentine’s Day back and remember what it SHOULD be. Take this and make it not just one day, but the first day of the year to celebrate the love of life. It doesn’t matter who you are, or where you are, or who you’re with, take the time to celebrate those you love and care about in your world. That’s what it should be about. No more grieving over lost love, or longing for someone, just realize that you are here, you are still alive, you still matter and you can still make a difference. Do something fun and silly! The girls and I celebrate by getting valentine pj’s (goofy one’s) every year. Another idea is to take this time to pamper yourself.

 So on Valentine’s Day get up and put a smile on your face, remember that this day is a great day to do something nice for someone else. Start a tradition of caring and sharing. If you do have that special someone in your life, you should show them each and every day what they mean to you, not just one day. A good attitude and kind behavior is contagious. What a great way to remember the day and you don’t even have to buy candy!

Cherry Coley (c)