A New Day, A New Perspective

Grief as a Teacher

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photo by Casey Keal

photo by Casey Keal

Grief can play with your mind and your perception of the way events happened.  The tricks of the mind can lead to feelings of regret and guilt, hurt and betrayal, and leave you with a feeling of loss that can drive you to your knees at times.

All week the residual feelings of the grief felt earlier this week have been with me.  I finally got to the point I was asking “what is it I’m supposed to see or learn here?” “What am I missing, and why am I feeling this way?”

By asking these type of questions the feeling of distress is lifted a bit so that I can see what I need see instead of lingering on thoughts of how I wish things had been.  My girls are teenagers and the oldest is getting ready to move on with her life.  She is trying to find her way, changing her mind, debating what she wants, and taking her first steps forward.

Through the other milestones with my kids, my mom has been here.  She was my voice of encouragement, my voice of reason, the person that would laugh at my worrying and say, “karma works.” 

I think of all the times I was out too late at night, talking on the phone and tying up the line (before the age of personal cell phones), trying to find my way and changing my mind, and often driving my mom crazy with my ideas and dreams.

There are days when I feel lost without mom, yet I know her words, her wisdom and her love live on in me.  I will not forget, Mom, I will remember and we will go forward.

Cherry Coley (c)

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7 Responses »

  1. I read a friends dissertation called Complicaated Grief and what you are saying is true. You need to grieve, and not let it define you … Sounds like you are doing that :-/

  2. Grief, and the loss the comes before it, can teach many lessons. For me, the loss of my mom and grieving her death have taught me the importance of today. There may not be a tomorrow, as morbid as that sounds. Both of my mom’s parents lived into their 90s, yet pancreatic cancer took my mom at age 65. There was so much I wanted to do with her, and until she was diagnosed with cancer, I always thought I had more time. Then it was too late and soon my mom was gone.

  3. I feel your pain, Kathy. Whether they are taken younger or older there never seems to be enough time. My mom was a 3 time cancer survivor. She got ovarian cancer at 58 and fought with chemo for 2 years. The effects of the chemo gave her so many other health problems her quality of life was greatly decreased. I wish I had had the time to write down her stories of growing up. I miss the history I could have shared. Thank you for your comments and for sharing your insight. You are so right about the importance of today.

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