A New Day, A New Perspective

I Want My Mommy!

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January 2013
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Today I miss my mom.  It’s not that I don’t miss her every day, but today the gaping hole in my chest where my parents used to be was hurting more. 

I had been doing so much better, I was moving forward, getting things done and looking forward to the future and SLAM, grief strikes again.  I hate that. 

Grief has a way of popping up at times and turning the world upside down when you least expect it.  It’s just the way it works unfortunately.  The name of this round of grief is called – “things I wish I’d done differently.”  The worst part of this round was not thinking of the things I would have done differently with my parents, (I went thru that part last year). 

This was about things I wish I’d done differently in other areas of my life, with my ex-husband, my kids, my school days, and all the time I wasted doing stuff that didn’t really matter or turn out the way I wanted in the end. 

My kids are growing up so fast and I still have questions, but no more answers.  There are things that they bring up and do that I don’t know how to approach, so I make suggestions and do research.  I feel inadequate at times, though I know it’s not true. 

If my mom were here she would listen to my worries and insecurities and tell me to “suck it up,” and “karma works,” then smile and even laugh at me because I put her through many of the same issues and how well I remember that. 

The things we thought were so fun as kids – like staying out too late, and talking on the phone all night, are not so funny as a parent.  Life is a circle, that’s for sure.

I am thankful for the time I had with my mom and my dad.  I’m thankful they always had my best interests at heart, even though they didn’t always understand me. 

I am thankful I have two daughters, that remind me that life goes on and sometimes you have to look back to appreciate where you came from before you can go forward. 

Cherry Coley (c)

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13 Responses »

  1. Thank you for sharing about your grief process.

  2. Ebbs and flows truly are inevitable. Faith keeps us moving forward. We just do better at whatever comes next! 🙂

  3. Hang in there. Remember what we talked about early last year? This will come and go. Peace, Ray

  4. I can relate to so much of what you wrote on so many levels. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Through your words I realize I am not alone in what I feel. Take care.

    • You are definitely not alone. There are many of us going through our own version of the same things. I am going to try to share more about grieving this year. It seems to help not just me, but sometimes other people too. 🙂 Thank you for your comments.

  5. Grief has a way of popping up when least expected. My mother died six years ago from lung cancer that moved into brain cancer. It took me a good year to go through the grieving process. I am now at the stage where I don’t become emotional when I think about her. My husband always says that you never really heal, you just learn to get better at getting by. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It does get better. ~Thea

    • Yes it does. Grief can be hard and hits at odd times. Sometimes there are no words that can make you feel better. Earlier in the week I had a day of extreme grief, I listened to happy, calming music, Christian music and Zig Ziglar who usually cheers me up. It helped, but it still hurt.

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