There’s something to be said for major life changes. Whether it’s getting a divorce, losing a loved one, moving, getting married, losing a job, a life changing injury, or addiction, they are called life changes for a reason. For some reason I guess I thought I would be immune? Or maybe I thought I could just zoom past parts and pieces of it all. Not!
The truth is, sometimes I have a heck of a time adjusting. Time management and I don’t always get along well. Now and then I get out of sync somehow it all just knocks me completely out of the water and I feel lost until I can sit down, regroup and get back on track.
As time management requires, I will set goals, create a “to do list,” create a calendar, prioritize and get everything going along really well, have a great week, then something will throw a spoke in my wheels and I am suddenly flying over the handle bars, and wind up lying on the ground and wondering what just happened. For the record, I hate that!
What really bothers me is that for as long as I can remember I have lived a high-stress life. I had for as long as I can remember, been running back and forth to do things for or with my parents, running to do things for or with my kids or friends, working one or two or sometimes three jobs at a time because to be constantly busy made me feel wanted, needed, productive and accepted. IF there was any time or resources left, then I might do something for myself along the way, or spend time on something that interested me.
Now I am in unknown territory. Here I am at a time in my life where I somehow seem to keep trying to get my momentum back and it’s not that it’s not there; it’s that it’s no longer necessary. That is a very unnerving thing and I find myself feeling at odds and off kilter instead of wanted and needed. Nightmare of searching through fog, looking for people or items that aren’t there.
So I rework my schedule, and redo lists, and still I wind up taking on too many things at a time, because I’m used to high-stress and being busy. Then when something doesn’t work out, I basically trip, fall down on my face, then look around to find a tiny piece of nothing that knocked me not only off schedule, but completely out of sync. It takes me a few days to get back in a rhythm of doing things again.
Here’s the thing, life changes are just that – life changes. In my case, in the last two-three years, I lost an aunt, an uncle, a good friend – or two, my mom, my dad, moved twice and lost a job. I have finally come to the conclusion that my comfort zones and old way of time management and project management just got blown away in the wind because no matter how hard I try, the old way of doing things, just isn’t working anymore.
I am now required to learn to do some things I’ve never really done, take more time for myself, personally relax, and get healthier, but at a slower pace.
So, I will begin again, and try new things, set new habits, find out where my new comfort zones are, try to find a place to retreat and feel safe when chaos reigns, and learn to be a better surfer on this ocean of life. I have a feeling this could take a while, a lifetime perhaps.
Cherry Coley ©