April seems to have become a time of reflection for me. A time to look back and see where I’ve been, decisions I’ve made, the result of those decisions, and a time for renewal.
My parents were born in the 1920’s and as most from that generation were, they were very conservative and extremely overprotective of themselves and their families. Girls, in particular, were to be seen, be quiet and do what they were told. This is not an entirely bad thing and Lord knows I don’t mean it that way. My parents were very strict and very opinionated; they taught me respect for life and my elders and most of all for myself.
Oddly enough though I find myself looking back and realizing that I have, all of my life always sought their approval for everything I did. If I didn’t get it I would often either back down or find a way to do what I wanted then come back and show them what I’d done – but still I would somehow seek their approval. Approval I rarely got completely.
So now I find myself at an odd part of the journey where I make my own decisions, but there’s no one to say; “don’t do that,” or “you can’t do that,” or “you shouldn’t do that,” or “that will never work, what will people say?” or “that’s just stupid.” There are only echoes of voices inside my head, voices I am learning adjust to and put aside so that I can live.
What’s more, upon yet more reflection I’ve come to realize that I actually sought out and surrounded myself – at times – with people who would be negative, or would intentionally throw obstacles in my path making it difficult if not impossible for me to continue on with the choices I was contemplating. What a sad thing to find out about myself, yet, I am very thankful for this discovery because it means that knowing this about myself, I will now make more informed and deliberate choices concerning the people who I choose to be closest to me. My friends are my family that I have the ability to choose.
We all know many people and it is through the wondrous variety and input of different personalities that we learn and grow in so many ways. I am so very thankful for all the people I have met in the last few years, weeks, days. It’s the people I’ve met that have come into my life and make it richer and fuller in so many ways! How I love those that challenge my thinking, make me smile, cause me to feel on deeper levels and to seek higher knowledge!
I am thankful today is Easter. Easter truly is a time for renewal, rebirth, regeneration, reflection and resurrection.
Cherry Coley ©