Social Sciences

Book Review for Emotional Intelligence

Cover of "Emotional Intelligence"

Cover of Emotional Intelligence

 

I read a variety of books from fiction, psychology, business, self-help, romance, young adult, and even some investment and “how to” type books.

 

I just finished reading “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman.

 

Product Details

 

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Emotional Intelligence is not a new book.  It was orginally published in 1995, but the information is still as accurate and vital as it was then.  This book is an eye opening book about the effect our emotions have on our lives, relationships, and the choices we make.  Daniel Goleman is not alone in thinking that emotional intelligence is more important than IQ.  The book is a good read both for the psychologist or therapist wanting to increase their knowledge about the subject, and the average person wanting to learn more about how emotions affect how we relate to each other and our abilities to respond and handle the events in our lives.

 

I enjoyed reading Emotional Intelligence because it helped me learn better ways to relate to my teenager, to understand how my responses, reactions and expressions I used as I talked or listened to her would directly impact how she would respond and react to me.

 

I’ve put much of the information I took from this book to good use in relating to friends and family.  If you like good non-fiction books then you might enjoy Emotional Intelligence.

 

Cherry Coley (c)

 

 

Set Your Targets Closer and Set Your Sights High!

cherrys iphone 247Have you ever set your heart on a career or goal and then lost your focus?  Distractions and life events you didn’t have control over cropped up as obstacles and you had to put off what you were working on, or maybe you just put it aside hoping someday you might get back to your dream.  I have.  I remember dreaming of doing things, working hard to set goals and lists, then becoming discouraged because there were too many other things I was responsible for at the time and it seemed my dreams would always get shoved aside.

Here are some things you can do to stay motivated and keep making progress towards your dreams.

  • *        Focus on the outcome instead of the activities.

It’s easy to fill up a “to do” list with a lot of activities that seem necessary and valuable when we write them down, but are they?  If you aren’t careful what seemed like a good idea and vitally important can get confused with “busy work” and before you know it you’ll find yourself with a big to do list that you aren’t getting done, a feeling of despair because you aren’t making the progress you thought you would, and sometimes thoughts of giving up because you become discouraged, or feel overwhelmed with the distractions and events.

When you focus on the outcome instead of the activities – put up reminders of where you want to be.  Don’t do a big to do list, instead just focus on what you want for an outcome.  You will surprise yourself finding ways to fit in the things that must be done to get you to your goal.  What’s more is you may come to realize things you thought were important are just busy work and aren’t necessary to get you where you want to go.

Resources you didn’t see before will come into focus because you aren’t worried about the “to do list” – you’re looking for your end result.  When you keep your focus on the outcome it sets your brain and eyes in motion to look for opportunities that you might’ve otherwise missed.

  •     Set your targets closer

Another way to stay motivated is to set your targets closer.  When you want to gain self-confidence it helps to set some easily obtainable goals, once you reach your target – celebrate!!  Every success counts!  Get used to that feeling of celebration when you reach your goal, stop and enjoy it!  Build on your successes and keep the momentum going!  You can do it!

It seems silly to remind to celebrate, but how many times do you reach a goal and think, “okay, that’s done, now what?” and just move on to the next thing?  I was doing this a lot.  Where is the enjoyment? Where’s the lasting sense of accomplishment?  Well, gee, I just bypassed it and went on to the next thing.  It’s important to celebrate the little successes, it will make the big successes that much more sweet! Life is a joy to live and we need to celebrate when we reach a milestone or goal.

  •     Surround yourself with people who will hold you accountable and encourage you.

Notice I didn’t say – surround yourself with people who will beat you up and try to whip you into getting things done.  This may work for some, and I confess now and then I kick myself into gear, but put me with someone who’s going to belittle or make me feel bad for not reaching a goal on time and it has the opposite effect on me.  Eventually I may even start avoiding that person.  Who wants to talk to someone whose intent on judging you?  I’d rather find someone who will listen to my concerns and offer some encouragement and helpful suggestions.

Just keep that ant philosophy.  Ants don’t get distracted or let obstacles get in their way.  They just keep on going, up, down, around, under and through whatever gets in their way to reach their goal.  When they need help they send for reinforcements and get the job done.

Cherry Coley ©

Keep It Short and Pointed!

photo by Casey Keal

photo by Casey Keal

You don’t need to be long-winded to get a point across, in fact, it’s better if you’re not.  Now days if you take too long to get to the point you will lose your audience and even those who stick around to try to figure out what you’re saying, may forget what the original topic was if you take too long to get to the point.

Communication is not about speaking, it’s about listening,” Simon Sinek.

I agree with Simon, to communicate good listening skills are required, so do us all a favor and learn to cut the “fluff” and long descriptions.  If we want that type of writing we’ll pick up a novel and enjoy the scenery and visions that dance in our head.  However, if your topic is instructional, inspirational, business oriented, or something you want to share to improve the lives of others, then get to the point so that we can grasp the information quick and apply it.

Life is short, let’s find ways to improve our writing skills, improve our listening skills, and learn to communicate in a way that everyone can grasp and enjoy.

Why did I write on this subject?  I read my last post.  Ha.

-Cherry Coley ©

Give A Little Love

100_5605Give a little love, do something nice and spread some cheer every chance you get. 

Like ripples on the water everything thing we do creates an effect on our environment and the people around us.  Yesterday I was feeling rather blue and had several friends that were kind by calling to say they were thinking about me, or texting me to cheer me up.  One of them helped me to see things in a different light as he often does.

It’s important to surround yourself with people who are interested in learning about you and who you are.  People that share some of the same interests, have opposing opinions and aren’t afraid to share them, and people who are just fun to be around.  We all really need a variety of friends to spend time with and keep us on our toes, to offer our support and encouragement, and to share with and learn from.

I have a couple of Eeyore type personality friends that have a sarcastic sense of humor and a realist outlook that borders on gloom, but they are good-natured and I love hearing from them. 

I am thankful for the people in my life.  We are all here to work together and help each other along the way.  Each of us have our unique gifts and talents that make us who we are.  It’s such a thrill to meet someone new and have the time to get to know them.

Cherry Coley (c)

That’s History In The Making!

What you do today matters.

The things you think,

The things you say,

The things you do all matter.

 We have all heard the saying, “it’s history in the making!” Usually those are words describing some important event that is deemed to be memorable for years or decades to come.  The truth is we are all history in the making. 

 From the moment you were born you began on the journey of your life.  Each day you have grown and learned new things along the way.  Each day you make decisions and choices that will take you further towards your goals and dreams, or keep you where you are.

 As humans we have the ability to keep learning, keep stretching and testing our limits, and to change directions at will.  Stop and think what you do today will affect where you are tomorrow.  You truly are history in the making!

 Cherry Coley ©

Keep it Moving!!

When you are stuck and can’t figure out what to write, then journal, or grab a notebook and write anything that pops into your head for at least three pages.  Brain dump on the paper until your mind clears and the creativity can flow again.

 In mathematics we are taught that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.  However, it doesn’t matter if we KNOW the rules if we don’t take action and actually move.  You can be in the middle between point A and point B, but you will never reach either point without movement.

 So, keep moving towards your goals, keep moving towards your dreams, keep writing, keep painting, keep the creativity flowing.  You can’t really steer a parked car or a boat on the beach, you have to put the car in gear and the boat in the water in order to make any progress. 

Now is a great time to take a chance on you!

 Cherry Coley ©

They’re Just Words

It can be hard to say the right thing at the right time.  How many times do we sit and say nothing and then later wonder why we didn’t say something?

I can’t count the times when I’ve wished later that I said something other than what actually came out.  Words taken then wrong way can be damaging and hurtful.  Words not spoken at all can lead to hurt as well because sometimes we give the impression we don’t care, or are preoccupied. 

I love words, but sometimes they have been my enemy.  I have struggled and fought with them to make them share my thoughts in a way that might make sense to someone else.  I don’t always succeed.  Sometimes clear communication can be elusive. 

It’s times like those, when words just aren’t enough, that I am thankful to be able to reach out, hold, hug, touch someone’s hand, or just share a smile.  At times when words won’t come, tears or a look can say far more than anything I could manage to say out loud.

Communication is far more than just words, with some people it comes easy, while others are a bit more of a challenge because we are all different.  Yet communication is a gift that can bring together people of all ages, all nationalities, and from every circumstance given the chance.

Cherry Coley (c)