Psychology

Book Review for Emotional Intelligence

Cover of "Emotional Intelligence"

Cover of Emotional Intelligence

 

I read a variety of books from fiction, psychology, business, self-help, romance, young adult, and even some investment and “how to” type books.

 

I just finished reading “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman.

 

Product Details

 

http://http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51jlGW0%2BpgL._SL160_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-dp,TopRight,12,-18_SH30_OU01_AA160_.jpg

 

Emotional Intelligence is not a new book.  It was orginally published in 1995, but the information is still as accurate and vital as it was then.  This book is an eye opening book about the effect our emotions have on our lives, relationships, and the choices we make.  Daniel Goleman is not alone in thinking that emotional intelligence is more important than IQ.  The book is a good read both for the psychologist or therapist wanting to increase their knowledge about the subject, and the average person wanting to learn more about how emotions affect how we relate to each other and our abilities to respond and handle the events in our lives.

 

I enjoyed reading Emotional Intelligence because it helped me learn better ways to relate to my teenager, to understand how my responses, reactions and expressions I used as I talked or listened to her would directly impact how she would respond and react to me.

 

I’ve put much of the information I took from this book to good use in relating to friends and family.  If you like good non-fiction books then you might enjoy Emotional Intelligence.

 

Cherry Coley (c)

 

 

Set Your Targets Closer and Set Your Sights High!

cherrys iphone 247Have you ever set your heart on a career or goal and then lost your focus?  Distractions and life events you didn’t have control over cropped up as obstacles and you had to put off what you were working on, or maybe you just put it aside hoping someday you might get back to your dream.  I have.  I remember dreaming of doing things, working hard to set goals and lists, then becoming discouraged because there were too many other things I was responsible for at the time and it seemed my dreams would always get shoved aside.

Here are some things you can do to stay motivated and keep making progress towards your dreams.

  • *        Focus on the outcome instead of the activities.

It’s easy to fill up a “to do” list with a lot of activities that seem necessary and valuable when we write them down, but are they?  If you aren’t careful what seemed like a good idea and vitally important can get confused with “busy work” and before you know it you’ll find yourself with a big to do list that you aren’t getting done, a feeling of despair because you aren’t making the progress you thought you would, and sometimes thoughts of giving up because you become discouraged, or feel overwhelmed with the distractions and events.

When you focus on the outcome instead of the activities – put up reminders of where you want to be.  Don’t do a big to do list, instead just focus on what you want for an outcome.  You will surprise yourself finding ways to fit in the things that must be done to get you to your goal.  What’s more is you may come to realize things you thought were important are just busy work and aren’t necessary to get you where you want to go.

Resources you didn’t see before will come into focus because you aren’t worried about the “to do list” – you’re looking for your end result.  When you keep your focus on the outcome it sets your brain and eyes in motion to look for opportunities that you might’ve otherwise missed.

  •     Set your targets closer

Another way to stay motivated is to set your targets closer.  When you want to gain self-confidence it helps to set some easily obtainable goals, once you reach your target – celebrate!!  Every success counts!  Get used to that feeling of celebration when you reach your goal, stop and enjoy it!  Build on your successes and keep the momentum going!  You can do it!

It seems silly to remind to celebrate, but how many times do you reach a goal and think, “okay, that’s done, now what?” and just move on to the next thing?  I was doing this a lot.  Where is the enjoyment? Where’s the lasting sense of accomplishment?  Well, gee, I just bypassed it and went on to the next thing.  It’s important to celebrate the little successes, it will make the big successes that much more sweet! Life is a joy to live and we need to celebrate when we reach a milestone or goal.

  •     Surround yourself with people who will hold you accountable and encourage you.

Notice I didn’t say – surround yourself with people who will beat you up and try to whip you into getting things done.  This may work for some, and I confess now and then I kick myself into gear, but put me with someone who’s going to belittle or make me feel bad for not reaching a goal on time and it has the opposite effect on me.  Eventually I may even start avoiding that person.  Who wants to talk to someone whose intent on judging you?  I’d rather find someone who will listen to my concerns and offer some encouragement and helpful suggestions.

Just keep that ant philosophy.  Ants don’t get distracted or let obstacles get in their way.  They just keep on going, up, down, around, under and through whatever gets in their way to reach their goal.  When they need help they send for reinforcements and get the job done.

Cherry Coley ©

Give A Little Love

100_5605Give a little love, do something nice and spread some cheer every chance you get. 

Like ripples on the water everything thing we do creates an effect on our environment and the people around us.  Yesterday I was feeling rather blue and had several friends that were kind by calling to say they were thinking about me, or texting me to cheer me up.  One of them helped me to see things in a different light as he often does.

It’s important to surround yourself with people who are interested in learning about you and who you are.  People that share some of the same interests, have opposing opinions and aren’t afraid to share them, and people who are just fun to be around.  We all really need a variety of friends to spend time with and keep us on our toes, to offer our support and encouragement, and to share with and learn from.

I have a couple of Eeyore type personality friends that have a sarcastic sense of humor and a realist outlook that borders on gloom, but they are good-natured and I love hearing from them. 

I am thankful for the people in my life.  We are all here to work together and help each other along the way.  Each of us have our unique gifts and talents that make us who we are.  It’s such a thrill to meet someone new and have the time to get to know them.

Cherry Coley (c)

That’s History In The Making!

What you do today matters.

The things you think,

The things you say,

The things you do all matter.

 We have all heard the saying, “it’s history in the making!” Usually those are words describing some important event that is deemed to be memorable for years or decades to come.  The truth is we are all history in the making. 

 From the moment you were born you began on the journey of your life.  Each day you have grown and learned new things along the way.  Each day you make decisions and choices that will take you further towards your goals and dreams, or keep you where you are.

 As humans we have the ability to keep learning, keep stretching and testing our limits, and to change directions at will.  Stop and think what you do today will affect where you are tomorrow.  You truly are history in the making!

 Cherry Coley ©

Keep it Moving!!

When you are stuck and can’t figure out what to write, then journal, or grab a notebook and write anything that pops into your head for at least three pages.  Brain dump on the paper until your mind clears and the creativity can flow again.

 In mathematics we are taught that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.  However, it doesn’t matter if we KNOW the rules if we don’t take action and actually move.  You can be in the middle between point A and point B, but you will never reach either point without movement.

 So, keep moving towards your goals, keep moving towards your dreams, keep writing, keep painting, keep the creativity flowing.  You can’t really steer a parked car or a boat on the beach, you have to put the car in gear and the boat in the water in order to make any progress. 

Now is a great time to take a chance on you!

 Cherry Coley ©

Stick Like Glue

“Be like a postage stamp, stick to something until you get it there.” – Josh Billings

 I ran across this quote the other day and thought, wow that’s a powerful statement in just a few words, and it’s full of so much truth.

 The value of a postage stamp doesn’t mean a thing if it loses its grip and comes off before it’s really needed.  The package that it was attached to would never reach the intended destination or any other destination.  The package could potentially just be stuck in limbo indefinitely.

  Our goals and dreams, no matter how ambitious, become useless if we don’t stick to them like glue and see them through to completion.  Where it’s a cure for cancer or the building of a bridge, neither will actually come into existence if we don’t first dream, then plans, then pull in the resources needed to pull it all together, then take the actions necessary to see the plans through.

 Like the $100 postage placed on a package it doesn’t mean a thing if your glue isn’t any good and the stamp comes off. 

Dream big, plan well, and DON’T GIVE UP!! 

Just because something doesn’t work doesn’t mean it’s a failure.  The only true failure is in not taking the action in the first place.

Cherry Coley ©

Feeling Fear and Going Forward

Funny thing, fear, it can freeze you where you are at times, but there will always be fear and challenges in life.  Fear can be felt in so many different ways and sometimes it is so disguised that we don’t really realize that is what it is until we take the time to really look at it.

Lately I have found myself feeling somewhat disconnected, and at yet another crossroads in my life.  It seems to happen to me a lot recently.  Yet another little known fact about me is that I have always loved dream interpretation.  It’s something I have spent a lifetime studying and learning. 

So when I began to have dreams of walking through forests I started paying attention as that usually indicates a search for meaning and a transition for me.  Then when I started dreaming of looking out over a canyon at sunset I stopped and contemplated where I am.  A canyon indicates deeper relationships while sunset means an ending of a cycle in life.

It all fits with many of the other things that I have been struggling with along the way.  I have decided my next course of action and am now finally able to stand up at the cross roads and get ready to walk the path I have chosen.   It’s interesting how taking just a little time out to meditate and pray can calm the spirit and guide.

Fear and uncertainty stopped me, but it has no place in my life other than to briefly make me pause to check my intentions, and direction.  Other than that, I will push through and realize that with every experience and trial in this life there is given, at the appropriate time, grace, courage and strength to see us through. 

Knowing that there is nothing to fear in what tomorrow brings, because tomorrow, the sun will shine again.  The breeze will blow and greet the leaves, the birds will lift their voices to the heavens, and life will go on.  

Cherry Coley ©