Today I miss my mom. It’s not that I don’t miss her every day, but today the gaping hole in my chest where my parents used to be was hurting more.
I had been doing so much better, I was moving forward, getting things done and looking forward to the future and SLAM, grief strikes again. I hate that.
Grief has a way of popping up at times and turning the world upside down when you least expect it. It’s just the way it works unfortunately. The name of this round of grief is called – “things I wish I’d done differently.” The worst part of this round was not thinking of the things I would have done differently with my parents, (I went thru that part last year).
This was about things I wish I’d done differently in other areas of my life, with my ex-husband, my kids, my school days, and all the time I wasted doing stuff that didn’t really matter or turn out the way I wanted in the end.
My kids are growing up so fast and I still have questions, but no more answers. There are things that they bring up and do that I don’t know how to approach, so I make suggestions and do research. I feel inadequate at times, though I know it’s not true.
If my mom were here she would listen to my worries and insecurities and tell me to “suck it up,” and “karma works,” then smile and even laugh at me because I put her through many of the same issues and how well I remember that.
The things we thought were so fun as kids – like staying out too late, and talking on the phone all night, are not so funny as a parent. Life is a circle, that’s for sure.
I am thankful for the time I had with my mom and my dad. I’m thankful they always had my best interests at heart, even though they didn’t always understand me.
I am thankful I have two daughters, that remind me that life goes on and sometimes you have to look back to appreciate where you came from before you can go forward.
Cherry Coley (c)