Emotion

Book Review for Emotional Intelligence

Cover of "Emotional Intelligence"

Cover of Emotional Intelligence

 

I read a variety of books from fiction, psychology, business, self-help, romance, young adult, and even some investment and “how to” type books.

 

I just finished reading “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman.

 

Product Details

 

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Emotional Intelligence is not a new book.  It was orginally published in 1995, but the information is still as accurate and vital as it was then.  This book is an eye opening book about the effect our emotions have on our lives, relationships, and the choices we make.  Daniel Goleman is not alone in thinking that emotional intelligence is more important than IQ.  The book is a good read both for the psychologist or therapist wanting to increase their knowledge about the subject, and the average person wanting to learn more about how emotions affect how we relate to each other and our abilities to respond and handle the events in our lives.

 

I enjoyed reading Emotional Intelligence because it helped me learn better ways to relate to my teenager, to understand how my responses, reactions and expressions I used as I talked or listened to her would directly impact how she would respond and react to me.

 

I’ve put much of the information I took from this book to good use in relating to friends and family.  If you like good non-fiction books then you might enjoy Emotional Intelligence.

 

Cherry Coley (c)

 

 

Putting the Past in its Place

IMG_0097Don’t give your strength and focus to the things that you want to be rid of in your life.  There’s no such thing as living in the past.  What you are actually doing is spending your time now thinking about things you cannot relive or change.

It’s human nature to reflect on situations and experiences.  We look back wishing we could experience an event again, or be with a person one more time, or maybe go back and change something, not say something, or do more for someone than we did at the time.

The most useful thing about the past is that if we let it, the past can guide us to live a better future, to pay more attention to details and what matters, to spend our time more wisely.  Life is a journey and the path behind us reminds us of where we’ve been, what we’ve been through can encourage us to keep going and can remind us that we will be able to handle whatever comes our way.

However, unresolved issues, grievances and hurts can make a person think too much on what once was, how they wish it were different or long for those that have moved on.

There are a lot of people hurting and feeling alone.  You are not alone.  You are not the only one hurting.  You are remembered and loved.  You are not forgotten.  It’s amazing what these words do and how they can make you feel. 

If you are hurting, reach out and talk to the people you care about and that care about you.  You aren’t imposing, even though you might feel like you are.  When someone truly cares they are happy to know they can help.  Let them help, let them have the blessing and the loving feeling that comes when you allow someone to help you.   Someday you will be in a position to help someone else that needs it and the blessing will be yours.

Today center your heart and mind on where you are and where you want to go.  Greet the day with the spirit of gratefulness for the blessings in your life.  You still have things you enjoy, people you love, opportunities yet to be realized and exciting new things to experience.  There is much to be grateful for each day.

 Train your brain and heart to be both grateful and aware of the things and people around you.  You will start to notice a change in your outlook and it will make a difference in your life and the people around you.  Like ripples on the water, the attitude of one affects others around them.

 Start today putting the past in its place so you can embrace your future dreams and live in the present. 

 Cherry Coley ©

Pity Party Extravaganza!

pityI threw myself a pity party the other day.  I tried to invite some friends, but they weren’t really buying into it.  I had the sad music on, whined and sulked and sat in the dark.  What the heck I was doing? 

 So what is the purpose of a pity party?  For the life of me I don’t know.  It seems to be an excuse to let negative emotions and imagination run wild, making us resent, regret, cry over, and even get angry about things that were not done right or areas we were wronged in our lives.

 Pity parties are not enjoyable; after all being in the throes of negative emotions is not a fun thing to experience.  Yet some choose to have long and lingering pity parties that can go on for years and become addictive / habit forming behavior.

 I believe the real purpose of a pity party and that sinking feeling you get when you know you are headed in that direction, is that they are a wakeup call.  A reminder that problems and hurt feelings do not just go away, we will eventually deal with them, or have them pop up from time to time as unresolved issues that wreak havoc on our emotions and on the lives of the people around us. 

 When people enter into the “pity party zone” or their stress levels go up from being afraid, angry, anxious, insulted, or tired; they tend to engage in cognitive tunneling.  This means that they start focusing on the threat or unresolved issue and wind up ignoring a lot of other things going on around them. 

 Focusing on our emotional turmoil, past hurts, and unresolved issues, or perceived threats, is what causes us to miss many of the good things that might be right in front of us.  People in that state have trouble hearing / listening, understanding and remembering.

I think it may be human nature to have a pity party every once in a while, but we should remember that it really is just a reminder that there are things that we need to stop, take a good look at, perhaps get an outside opinion on, and come to terms with so that we can move forward and heal.  So go ahead and visit the party if you must, but don’t stay too long, don’t make it a way of life and don’t lose yourself in the party.  Life is so much more than that!  Leave that party and open the door to possibilities instead!

 Cherry Coley ©